Title : Material Princess
Story Link : [click]
Author : CuteBubbles
Status : Ongoing, 6 chapters
Title [4/5]
It’s an attractive title, no doubt.
For me, I’ll stop to take a look at the story.
Because I’m a girl, a materialistic one too. (I doubt many aren’t.)
Foreword & Description [7/10]
You include your words for readers in ‘description’ section, it should be in ‘foreword’.
Same goes to the trailer.
Same goes to the trailer.
You included introduction for characters in your foreword, score point for you.
Characterization [6/10]
Bitchy Hyuna, you gave her a very strong personality on that.
You showed her soft side too, when she talked to her best friend...
Not too dull, not too fresh either...
You showed her soft side too, when she talked to her best friend...
Not too dull, not too fresh either...
The rest of the characters, I still don’t know much.
Graphics [4/5]
I can’t ask for more, it’s perfect!
Still, scrutinizing through everything, the poster...
Money, cash, poker doesn’t exactly blends well with sweet pink.
Try changing the background into a wilder maroon?
Or, change the ‘materials’ into fashion accessories?
Money, cash, poker doesn’t exactly blends well with sweet pink.
Try changing the background into a wilder maroon?
Or, change the ‘materials’ into fashion accessories?
(same goes to background)
And well done in taking the trouble to get different posters in every chapter.
Trailer serves as a bonus too.
It’s awesome.
Originality [9/15]
Typical hurt-ice-princess starting to show her feelings as a kind-sweet-guy walks into her life. (Am I not right?)
Plus, you got the concept of the story from a Chinese drama right? Sorry but more points off originality.
Plus, you got the concept of the story from a Chinese drama right? Sorry but more points off originality.
Anyway, one thing I like about it, a hot bitch got hurt and minds about it?!
I don’t see that every day.
I don’t see that every day.
Plot [8/15]
For me, plot includes style of writing.
It’s a little too slow.
It feels as if you’re trying to include every detail in the story so that readers know every single thing about the character’s life, but that’s not the way it should be, not in a good fiction.
Only emphasize on more important parts/describe scenes to help readers picture the situation.
It feels as if you’re trying to include every detail in the story so that readers know every single thing about the character’s life, but that’s not the way it should be, not in a good fiction.
Only emphasize on more important parts/describe scenes to help readers picture the situation.
Flow of Story [12/15]
It’s smooth, yeah.
Plot is one thing, but you’re story doesn’t get stuck, not in a serious manner.
(And because you made it so detailed.)
Plot is one thing, but you’re story doesn’t get stuck, not in a serious manner.
(And because you made it so detailed.)
Watch out your language though, usually writers have this problem.
Mistakes in language, especially grammar jams readers on the spot for a while to figure it out.
Mistakes in language, especially grammar jams readers on the spot for a while to figure it out.
Language [10/15]
I don’t correct mistakes in dialogues because it might be the characters’ slang of talking, but it does sound too carefully spoken when the characters speak in the story.
Minor mistakes scatter here and there, but it’s still alright.
Remember to check through it next time, ne?
Remember to check through it next time, ne?
Neatness [3.5/5]
One suggestion, separate your narrations, conservations and thoughts clearly from each other.
More spaces between different scenes would have helped.
Names of characters in dialogues don’t have to be in italic font, save that for thoughts instead.
More spaces between different scenes would have helped.
Names of characters in dialogues don’t have to be in italic font, save that for thoughts instead.
Overall Enjoyment [2/5]
You’ve just started, nothing so far...
I don’t have the desire to keep on clicking ‘next’, nor giving it up. (because I’m a reviewer, just doing my job)
I don’t have the desire to keep on clicking ‘next’, nor giving it up. (because I’m a reviewer, just doing my job)
Final Grade [65.5/100]
Personally, I don’t find it too bad.
Perhaps it’s because I don’t detest conversation or anything.
Don’t give up, girl!
ALWAYS KEEP DE FAITH~!
ALWAYS KEEP DE FAITH~!
-Claraine, an early piece
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