Title : Goodbye, forever.
Story Link : [click]
Author : shootingroses
Status : Completed
Workshop : Designified Fountain
Workshop : Designified Fountain
Title [2.5/5]
It’s melancholic, yes. But it doesn’t indicate much, readers might not want to give it a first chance by checking it out on random if there are more attracting titles competing.
Goodbye, Forever will make a better appearance though.
Foreword & Description [7/10]
I was like, ‘oh well...’ when I read your description.
Moving on to foreword, pooft~!
I love the last part of it, I can picture the dramatic, hopeless, helpless scene...
I love the last part of it, I can picture the dramatic, hopeless, helpless scene...
Characterization [4/10]
HyunA, typical girl who loses everything after a breakup with her boyfriend.
Jihyun, typical big sister who takes care of the main character after her heartbreak.
Junhyung, typical I’ve-to-let-you-go-in-order-to-protect-you boyfriend who leads to all the heartbreaks.
(shakes head)
The main characters appear too ‘obedient’ towards their employer, each other...
The main characters appear too ‘obedient’ towards their employer, each other...
Graphics [2/5]
Poster, it would have been better if you’ve your title on it.
Don’t want readers start reading it and forgot what the title is and having the trouble to scroll back upwards.
Don’t leave... Come back... looks more dramatic.
Don’t want readers start reading it and forgot what the title is and having the trouble to scroll back upwards.
Don’t leave... Come back... looks more dramatic.
By the way, the colour tone of your poster is a little bit too cheerful for your storyline. Darken the tone, make the colour duller.
Originality [8/15]
Okay, let’s-break-up-because-I-want-to-protect-you, WHAT?!
This is common, one thing I detest about it...
Why is it that the party who gets forced never bother to discuss it with the other party first?!
This is so annoying and cliché.
Maybe the other party wants his/her love over his/her career?! Gah!
This is common, one thing I detest about it...
Why is it that the party who gets forced never bother to discuss it with the other party first?!
This is so annoying and cliché.
Maybe the other party wants his/her love over his/her career?! Gah!
Kind of you to offer either a sad ending or a happy one though.
I understand readers who can’t bare reading a sad one.
But personally, I’m a person who loves emotion, enjoys the dramatic stab of melancholy and pain in my heart when I’m into a drama/story or whatever. (hehe...)
I understand readers who can’t bare reading a sad one.
But personally, I’m a person who loves emotion, enjoys the dramatic stab of melancholy and pain in my heart when I’m into a drama/story or whatever. (hehe...)
I love your sad ending.
It makes the storyline different from most of them out there too.
Plot [8/15]
I was really captivated in the story ever since the beginning, a sad and dramatic one.
However, my yearn to read it started to fade as the story goes on.
Reason? Probably because there are less drama and climax.
It leads to a sad ending too. (for your original ending)
However, my yearn to read it started to fade as the story goes on.
Reason? Probably because there are less drama and climax.
It leads to a sad ending too. (for your original ending)
The story is rather calm if you ask me, but I’m still attracted to read it till the end.
I suppose it’s the way you put in emotions... thumbs up!
I suppose it’s the way you put in emotions... thumbs up!
Flow of Story [14.5/15]
I don’t see much flaws in it.
No apparent ones, in fact.
No apparent ones, in fact.
The storyline flows smooth, no doubt.
Though it doesn’t have too much climax, I can’t resist pressing ‘next’.
Though it doesn’t have too much climax, I can’t resist pressing ‘next’.
Your grammar doesn’t affect the flow either.
Language [9/15]
When I first read it, it does sound very carefully written.
Different from my expectation, I spotted quite a lot of grammar mistakes.
Why is that? My suggestion, you should re-read your story after finishing writing a chapter every time
Different from my expectation, I spotted quite a lot of grammar mistakes.
Why is that? My suggestion, you should re-read your story after finishing writing a chapter every time
From what I see in some of the parts, you seem to be trying too hard in emphasizing the past and still do.
For someone who’s very familiar with grammar, great attempt.
But if you’re slightly wobbly, then I suggest you the safe way, that is to put most of the verbs in past tense.
For someone who’s very familiar with grammar, great attempt.
But if you’re slightly wobbly, then I suggest you the safe way, that is to put most of the verbs in past tense.
If you’re trying to narrate the story in present mode, some of the parts aren’t right either.
So I assumed the story to be in past narration.
So I assumed the story to be in past narration.
That phenomena gets better towards the ending though.
Neatness [4/5]
(nods)
Neat enough, easy to read, yeah.
Thoughtful of you to differentiate narrations, conversations and thoughts clearly. (most writers don’t)
Remember to apply Italic to every single thoughts though.
Neat enough, easy to read, yeah.
Thoughtful of you to differentiate narrations, conversations and thoughts clearly. (most writers don’t)
Remember to apply Italic to every single thoughts though.
Overall Enjoyment [4/5]
In chapter 16, kind of you to mention about the bracelet in the end, it’s a good thing to help readers refresh their memories.
The story is captivating though I’m hardly a troublemaker addict/Junah shipper, but I’m starting to like them already.
Final Grade [63/100]
So, I went hard on you, as you asked for.
Hope this review will be of some help to you.
My pleasure reviewing for you though.
-Claraine, an early piece
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