Title : M&M's World
Story Link : [click]
Author : brave_purple
Status : Ongoing, 17 chapters
Title [3.5/5]
M&M's World? Not exactly appealing to the eyes of readers as it does not indicate much. Still, the colorful chocolates in our mind brightens up the impression on the story, if your readers are actually imagining it. (I read your thank-you note as well, so it's the initials of the main characters, good one.)
Foreword & Description [8/10]
Well-written, short and simple. I can tell that it's not going to be a tough love story. For readers who are looking for one like that, just sit back and enjoy!
Characterization [7/10]
Park Misun is the typical kind of innocent, cute girl which is quite common as the main character. However, she turns out as a naive young woman even though she had a complicated family background, score point for you. And she loves to speak using words that nobody but herself understands, nice one.
Wait, isn't Minho unfriendly to strangers? He seems quite nice when he first knows Sunny...
Sooyoung is definitely THE antagonist to spice things up, good job in making me hate her to death in the story. Score point for you.
And SHINee crew, it gets cliche in most of the stories. They treat the (girl) main character good sooner or later. You could have added a little conflict to it, if you know what I mean.
Graphics [3.5/5]
The tone of the poster suits the theme of your story, warm, cheerful, sweet. Still, your main character is meant to be a naive happy-go-lucky at most time, no? It would have been better if the girl beside Minho is actually smiling, not looking melancholic. It helps to brightens up the poster too if the other SHINee members are looking joyful/playful, not slightly emo.
Just a little suggestion, ignore it if you don't like it. =D Maybe 'Will they ever realize that they're meant for each other?' will be a better quote?
Existent of background image and graphics insertion of graphics in the middle of the story will be a bonus though.
Originality [8/15]
I don't know, a happy-go-lucky, a best friend who's really hyper and stuff, another who walks into her love life and a boyfriend who's not doing much to defend himself, and I'm guessing this is going to be the conflict in your story.
My guess, maybe SHINee crew will stand up for Misun and boycott Sooyoung while Minho stand by Sooyoung?
It's too common out there...
But don't feel bad or anything, this is, after all, a hard section to score.
If my guess is wrong, then it's good.
Ask for a re-grading on this section if it is so
My guess, maybe SHINee crew will stand up for Misun and boycott Sooyoung while Minho stand by Sooyoung?
It's too common out there...
But don't feel bad or anything, this is, after all, a hard section to score.
If my guess is wrong, then it's good.
Ask for a re-grading on this section if it is so
Plot [9/15]
Scenes like the confessions and Sooyoung faking around, I've seen for so many times but they still excite me.
But you have to be more creative to win the compromise of readers on the plot.
Hope that you'll bring me surprises in the near future.
One thing on your climaxes, you don't go all descriptive on it, which is good.
Don't cool your readers down before it actually starts
But you have to be more creative to win the compromise of readers on the plot.
Hope that you'll bring me surprises in the near future.
One thing on your climaxes, you don't go all descriptive on it, which is good.
Don't cool your readers down before it actually starts
Flow of Story [13/15]
Well described, like it. I can picture whatever you're trying to express. The flow of your story is quite smooth, as the story line doesn't seem hard and forced. It flows on & on without any hint of pause, most of the time. Keep it up
You twist your writing with sense of humor. It's doesn't sound over or fake, readers will probably have a good laugh
Language [10/15]
Minors mistakes scatter here and there.
Maybe it's because you did not read through after writing in a rush?
It gets better in the later chapters
Maybe it's because you did not read through after writing in a rush?
It gets better in the later chapters
You can so ask for a remarking for this section if English is not your first language or any acceptable reason.
Judging from the vocabularies you use, yours isn't exactly that bad. It's just that authors who ask for reviewers tend to be really careful about it as reviewers are most likely to go all strict about it
Judging from the vocabularies you use, yours isn't exactly that bad. It's just that authors who ask for reviewers tend to be really careful about it as reviewers are most likely to go all strict about it
Neatness [4/5]
Your paragraphing is great, short and easy to read. But watch out that you don't babble for too long in a paragraph.
Readers aren't exactly patient in reading long paragraphs.
Readers aren't exactly patient in reading long paragraphs.
Will have been better if your POV is stated clearly. It gets a little confusing at times of who's speaking right now.
Overall Enjoyment [4/5]
Okay, so being creative is one thing, but your story makes me not wanting to stop reading it. Oh, and it will be perfect if you recheck your grammar after writing, because it does confuse readers in certain sentences and pausing to interpret what does the sentence actually mean is not a good thing.
Final Grade [70/100]
It's still a credit.
Writing with that much emotion as you did in your thank-you note will be good, I feel touched reading that
Writing with that much emotion as you did in your thank-you note will be good, I feel touched reading that
I hope I don't sound too harsh, and I hope I'm not being too strict.
Feel free to tell if you wish for a remarking. This is, my first review after all.
Feel free to tell if you wish for a remarking. This is, my first review after all.
-Claraine, an early piece
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