Title : I Wanna Love You, The Words I Could Never Tell
Story Link : [click]
Author : SujuXLove
Status : Ongoing, 12 chapters
Workshop : Designified Fountain
Title [4/5]
I can tell that it’s going to be a looonnggg crush. For me, I’ll check the story out. It has a dramatic touch to it, I Love You, the words I could never tell...
Foreword & Description [6.5/10]
Your description doesn’t indicate anything about the story except that it’s your first shot on writing? That fits better in foreword.
Characterization [6/10]
Oh gosh, Donghae is such a jealous freak, but sweet...
A typical deeply-in-love-I-can’t-lose-her main character.
Graphics [2.5/5]
No poster? Having one would have attracted more readers.
It’s never too late to get one now.
Originality [9/15]
Plot [10.5/15]
Flow of Story [12/15]
Neatness [3.5/5]
Overall Enjoyment [3.5/5]
Final Grade [67.5/100]
Title [4/5]
I can tell that it’s going to be a looonnggg crush. For me, I’ll check the story out. It has a dramatic touch to it, I Love You, the words I could never tell...
Foreword & Description [6.5/10]
Your description doesn’t indicate anything about the story except that it’s your first shot on writing? That fits better in foreword.
Anyway, your foreword does sound poetic and melancholic, well-written with feelings.
And it shows the reader what the story is about.
A girl who loves a guy ever since he was a still a nobody, but now, he’s got fame and she can only be a one-in-a-zillion, supporting him...
And it shows the reader what the story is about.
A girl who loves a guy ever since he was a still a nobody, but now, he’s got fame and she can only be a one-in-a-zillion, supporting him...
Suggestion: If you can’t help, switching ‘foreword’ with ‘description’ and vice versa will be better.
Characterization [6/10]
Oh gosh, Donghae is such a jealous freak, but sweet...
A typical deeply-in-love-I-can’t-lose-her main character.
And the girl, is the typical ‘I love him, have to let him go’ type.
It would have been more human if she had thoughts and actions of not wanting to let him go, on her own.
It would have been more human if she had thoughts and actions of not wanting to let him go, on her own.
But everything’s too focused on the characteristics above.
It’ll be better if you tell us more about their other different personalities.
It’ll be better if you tell us more about their other different personalities.
Graphics [2.5/5]
No poster? Having one would have attracted more readers.
It’s never too late to get one now.
Anyway, Donghae at the background does somehow make up a little.
I knew the main character is him once I clicked into your story, without reading your ‘characters’ yet.
I knew the main character is him once I clicked into your story, without reading your ‘characters’ yet.
And Donghae’s snapshots at the beginning of every chapter serves as a bonus
Originality [9/15]
Not the hottest themes being written, but I’ve definitely seen it somewhere, before, for more than a few times.
Adding a little twist to it and some style of your own will be good.
To make it more specific, maybe you can avoid it as Donghae always going after the girl who always runs from him.
(like what I mentioned in characterization)
To make it more specific, maybe you can avoid it as Donghae always going after the girl who always runs from him.
(like what I mentioned in characterization)
Plot [10.5/15]
Too much narration at the beginning, could be better if you shorten and condense it.
Gets interesting towards the ending though, climax starting to show up...
And I totally love Donghae’s proposal, so romantic~
And I totally love Donghae’s proposal, so romantic~
Good thing that you don’t babble...
Flow of Story [12/15]
Flow is pretty well-written
Not stuck or anything
Not stuck or anything
Just remember to watch out for your grammar and make the thoughts, conversations and narrations clear from one another so that it doesn’t slow the readers down.
Language [10/15]
Grammar mistakes are quite frequent, and some of the parts aren’t really smooth (because of grammar, it sounds a little broken).
Watch out in your switching of present and past tenses. It gets confusing.
Narrative actions, make it all past.
Thoughts & conversations, present tense is accepted.
Watch out in your switching of present and past tenses. It gets confusing.
Narrative actions, make it all past.
Thoughts & conversations, present tense is accepted.
Wanna, coz, ya, kinda and dunno is not proper English, watch out
Bumped into somebody
And a person shouldn’t be small, supposed to be young.
By the way, there are mistakes here and there in their conversations too, but I’ll let it pass, I’ll see it as the characters’ talking expressions or something.
And a person shouldn’t be small, supposed to be young.
By the way, there are mistakes here and there in their conversations too, but I’ll let it pass, I’ll see it as the characters’ talking expressions or something.
Anyway, bonus for attempting to describe.
I gather that you’re a Malaysian, I am too.
Nice attempt though, keep it up! It’s one of the best ways to improve your language.
Nice attempt though, keep it up! It’s one of the best ways to improve your language.
And maybe I make too big of a deal out of it, but reviewers tend to go strict on this section.
Since you asked me to go easier on you, I treated English as your non-first language.
Neatness [3.5/5]
Not too difficult to read. *nods*
Still, would be better if you separate your dialogue, thoughts and narrations clearly.
Still, would be better if you separate your dialogue, thoughts and narrations clearly.
Overall Enjoyment [3.5/5]
Otokke? It’s Donghae
You hit my weak spot
You hit my weak spot
Just kidding.
Well, at first there isn’t nothing much, but I start to have the urge of pressing ‘next’ as I keep on reading
I was doing a correction on language for you earlier, but gave up because I simply want to enjoy the story.
I was doing a correction on language for you earlier, but gave up because I simply want to enjoy the story.
Final Grade [67.5/100]
Personally, I’m so delighted when you pick me to be your reviewer!
Because I’m a dedicated-to-Donghae ELF ;)
I tried my best to go tough on you, because I always have a soft spot for it (thanks to Donghae)
Forgive me if I go on too strict
Because I’m a dedicated-to-Donghae ELF ;)
I tried my best to go tough on you, because I always have a soft spot for it (thanks to Donghae)
Forgive me if I go on too strict
Feel free to ask for a remarking if there’s any ‘objection’
Anyway, hwaiting in your story~
P.S. It's a good start, don't give up writing
P.S. It's a good start, don't give up writing
-Claraine, an early piece
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