Title : This Christmas, I Give You My Heart
Story Link : [click]
Author : xdreammerx
Status : Completed, one-shot
Workshop : Forever Here For You ~ Review Shop a.k.a. Literature Mused Reviews
First Impression Section
Title [2.5/5]
This Christmas, I Give You My Heart, to be honest, it doesn’t sound too attracting to me.
I guess the story’s about two people who fall in love with each other on Christmas?
(I was right…)
I guess the story’s about two people who fall in love with each other on Christmas?
(I was right…)
Foreword & Description [5.5/10]
It’s Christmas, and two people who are meant to meet are lingering on the same street.
A depressed Woohyun and a bubbly Gayoung.
Doesn’t sound too fresh, but I’m not reluctant to press ‘next’ at the least.
One more
A depressed Woohyun and a bubbly Gayoung.
Doesn’t sound too fresh, but I’m not reluctant to press ‘next’ at the least.
One more
Graphics [1/5]
You simply used a GIF image of Woohyun?
No story title on it, plus it’s hardly relevant to the story.
Woohyun looks very cheery and hyper in the image, when he’s supposed to be mostly melancholic in the story…
Sure, he got bliss in the end, but he wasn’t exactly hyper either.
No story title on it, plus it’s hardly relevant to the story.
Woohyun looks very cheery and hyper in the image, when he’s supposed to be mostly melancholic in the story…
Sure, he got bliss in the end, but he wasn’t exactly hyper either.
And there’s no background, if you’re not getting a designer to work on it.
My suggestions, wallpaper of snowflakes or candy canes works.
My suggestions, wallpaper of snowflakes or candy canes works.
Sub-Total [9/20]
Creation Section
Originality [17/30]
On a special someday, two strangers meet and fall in love at first sight (sort of).
One hurt party searches for warmth and affection from the innocent other.
One hurt party searches for warmth and affection from the innocent other.
I’ve seen it, you’ve seen it, everybody has.
Not really original, but you didn’t make it sound cliché.
It’s worth a round of applaud.
Not really original, but you didn’t make it sound cliché.
It’s worth a round of applaud.
Storyline / Plot [16/30]
Okay, we’re no longer talking about creativity in storyline.
To be truthful, the storyline is approving, for that concept.
To be truthful, the storyline is approving, for that concept.
I can’t really find any climaxes or conflicts though.
The ending is supposed to be the climax, I guess?
But I don’t feel the excitement, much.
Perhaps making the ending longer helps, or adding some ‘unusual’ scenes to it, hilarious ones for example. It helps in leaving a deeper impression on readers.
The ending is supposed to be the climax, I guess?
But I don’t feel the excitement, much.
Perhaps making the ending longer helps, or adding some ‘unusual’ scenes to it, hilarious ones for example. It helps in leaving a deeper impression on readers.
Furthermore, try adding dramas or conflicts in the middle of the story, to keep readers wide awake and enthusiastic.
Language [18/20]
No apparent mistakes found, grammar and spelling, check!
Moving on to usage of vocabularies, simple is safe.
Moving on to usage of vocabularies, simple is safe.
Well done, but you may try using bombastic words as your first step from the safe zone.
It’s worth a shot, but don’t try it if you’re not confident with it, yet.
It’s worth a shot, but don’t try it if you’re not confident with it, yet.
Flow of Story [19/20]
The story runs well.
No jams in between.
It goes on and on, like an essay.
(It somehow is, a long one.)
No jams in between.
It goes on and on, like an essay.
(It somehow is, a long one.)
To be truthful, one-shots are rather hard to not flow smoothly.
Sub-Total [70/100]
Bonus Section
Characterization [4.5/10]
Woohyun, sweet guy who got hurt, yearning for someone to heal his wound.
BUT, he could fall in love right after a breakup?!
I guess that’s what’s special with him? (I’ll count it as that)
BUT, he could fall in love right after a breakup?!
I guess that’s what’s special with him? (I’ll count it as that)
Gayoung, typical innocent, bubbly and carefree girl who manages to catch the guy’s attention.
I’m sick of this personality for main characters…
I’m sick of this personality for main characters…
Nothing too special, but it’s alright.
Style of Writing [8.5/10]
I love the way you write.
Alternating between points of views doesn’t seem to be a problem to you.
Alternating between points of views doesn’t seem to be a problem to you.
Captivity [2/5]
Hard for a one-shot to be captivating, but not impossible either.
Still, I don’t find it too attracting.
Still, I don’t find it too attracting.
I kept on reading and reading, because it’s my job, and because it flows well.
I don’t feel reluctant to scroll down, but not excited to either.
I don’t feel reluctant to scroll down, but not excited to either.
Format & Layout of Story (Neatness) [4/5]
Paragraphs and dialogues are well separated.
It makes things easier and clearer for readers.
And I love your switch of colour between Woohyun & Gayoung’s POV.
It makes things easier and clearer for readers.
And I love your switch of colour between Woohyun & Gayoung’s POV.
BUT, what happened to ‘Woohyun POV’ which is supposed to be in blue?
It became red towards the ending of Chapter 1…
It became red towards the ending of Chapter 1…
Sub-Total [19/30]
Total [98/150] / [65.3/100]
- Claraine
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