||--Review Swag--||: 11. Review of Thank You, Goodbye & I Love You

Title : Thank You, Goodbye & I Love You

Story Link : [click]

Author : keishota

Status : Completed, one-shot

Workshop : Professional Review Shop

First Impression Section

Title [1.5/5]

The title isn’t too appealing.
It sounds very familiar.

Yes, you guessed right. There are lots of stories with titles similar to this one.

Foreword & Description [4/10]

I love it when authors place details for the story, say, ratings, genres...

It sounds kind of cliché already.
Patient getting real sick, refuses to tell his beloved ones.

Graphics [3.5/5]

Your background reminds me of soil, where living things return to after their either simple or glamorous lives. Melancholic feeling, check.

Your poster is more to a mysterious, magical feel though.
However, I really like the book at the front. To me, it symbolises the past, memories that was once reality.
Perhaps Doojoon’s image in a darker shade will enhance your angst atmosphere better.

Sub-Total [9/20]

Creation Section

Originality [14/30]

It’s quite a common idea already.
The main character keeping away his/her sickness from beloved ones, then tragic ending.

Fictions, dramas, it’s everywhere... I’m getting quite sick of it too.

Storyline / Plot [22/30]

The way you write in details, very influential.
I was clutching my shirt when Doojoon had difficulties breathing. I felt like I had too.
Score point for you!

Still, I couldn’t help deducting points for its originality...

Language [13/20]

I see a few mistakes here and there, for instance,
Confused, not confuse
Keep his calmness, not calm

Keep your eyes open for present tenses & past tenses.
I see that you’ve proof read the story, maybe you should once more?

By the way, there’s sign of broken English in the story.
For example,
teachers keep calling asking me to help them

Your choice of vocabularies is good though.

Flow of Story [16/20]

Nothing wrong with it, yet one-shots can’t possibly go too wrong.
What I mean is, one-shots can’t really go slow or anything, so one-shots kind of safe in this section. (mostly)

Mistakes are minor so it doesn’t affect flow of story.

Sub-Total [65/100]

Bonus Section

Characterization [6.5/10]

I’m not really impressed with Doojoon’s character trait.
Keeping his illness a secret because he couldn’t stand to see his beloved ones undergo heartbreak.
Cliche~

Dongwoon’s insanity at the ending was a shock to me though.
Still, thumbs up.
I know, you’re trying to express him EXTREME love for Doojoon.

Style of Writing [9.5/10]

Despite grammar mistakes, your style of writing enhances the story.
Readers can actually picture the scene in their heads.

There’s always room to improve though, all the best!

Captivity [2/5]

One-shots are really hard to be captivating to readers.
Same goes to this one.
One of the aspects might be its originality.

Nice shot, though.

Format & Layout of Story (Neatness) [5/5]

It’s easy to read, sure.
The layout is fine. Keep it up!

Sub-Total [23/30]

Total [97/150]/ [65]

Link to song doesn’t work...