10. Review of This Christmas, I Give You My Heart

Title            : This Christmas, I Give You My Heart

Story Link   : [click]

Author        : xdreammerx

Status         : Completed, one-shot

Workshop   : Forever Here For You ~ Review Shop a.k.a. Literature Mused Reviews

First Impression Section

Title [2.5/5]

This Christmas, I Give You My Heart, to be honest, it doesn’t sound too attracting to me.
I guess the story’s about two people who fall in love with each other on Christmas?
(I was right…)

 

Foreword & Description [5.5/10]

It’s Christmas, and two people who are meant to meet are lingering on the same street.
A depressed Woohyun and a bubbly Gayoung.
Doesn’t sound too fresh, but I’m not reluctant to press ‘next’ at the least.
One more

 

Graphics [1/5]

You simply used a GIF image of Woohyun?
No story title on it, plus it’s hardly relevant to the story.
Woohyun looks very cheery and hyper in the image, when he’s supposed to be mostly melancholic in the story…
Sure, he got bliss in the end, but he wasn’t exactly hyper either.

And there’s no background, if you’re not getting a designer to work on it.
My suggestions, wallpaper of snowflakes or candy canes works.

 

Sub-Total [9/20]

Creation Section 

Originality [17/30]

On a special someday, two strangers meet and fall in love at first sight (sort of).
One hurt party searches for warmth and affection from the innocent other.

I’ve seen it, you’ve seen it, everybody has.
Not really original, but you didn’t make it sound cliché.
It’s worth a round of applaud.

 

Storyline / Plot [16/30]

Okay, we’re no longer talking about creativity in storyline.
To be truthful, the storyline is approving, for that concept.

I can’t really find any climaxes or conflicts though.
The ending is supposed to be the climax, I guess?
But I don’t feel the excitement, much.
Perhaps making the ending longer helps, or adding some ‘unusual’ scenes to it, hilarious ones for example. It helps in leaving a deeper impression on readers.

Furthermore, try adding dramas or conflicts in the middle of the story, to keep readers wide awake and enthusiastic.

 

Language [18/20]

No apparent mistakes found, grammar and spelling, check!
Moving on to usage of vocabularies, simple is safe.

Well done, but you may try using bombastic words as your first step from the safe zone.
It’s worth a shot, but don’t try it if you’re not confident with it, yet.

 

Flow of Story [19/20]

The story runs well.
No jams in between.
It goes on and on, like an essay.
(It somehow is, a long one.)

To be truthful, one-shots are rather hard to not flow smoothly.

 

Sub-Total [70/100]

 

Bonus Section

Characterization [4.5/10]

Woohyun, sweet guy who got hurt, yearning for someone to heal his wound.
BUT, he could fall in love right after a breakup?!
I guess that’s what’s special with him? (I’ll count it as that)

Gayoung, typical innocent, bubbly and carefree girl who manages to catch the guy’s attention.
I’m sick of this personality for main characters…

Nothing too special, but it’s alright.

 

Style of Writing [8.5/10]

I love the way you write.
Alternating between points of views doesn’t seem to be a problem to you.

 

Captivity [2/5]

Hard for a one-shot to be captivating, but not impossible either.
Still, I don’t find it too attracting.

I kept on reading and reading, because it’s my job, and because it flows well.
I don’t feel reluctant to scroll down, but not excited to either.

 

Format & Layout of Story (Neatness) [4/5]

Paragraphs and dialogues are well separated.
It makes things easier and clearer for readers.
And I love your switch of colour between Woohyun & Gayoung’s POV.

BUT, what happened to ‘Woohyun POV’ which is supposed to be in blue?
It became red towards the ending of Chapter 1…

 

Sub-Total [19/30] 

Total [98/150] / [65.3/100]

- Claraine

9. Review of You Make Me Stronger

Title            : You Make Me Stronger

Story Link   : [click]

Author        : tayree

Status         : Ongoing, 11 chapters

First Impression Section

Title [2/5]

You Make Me Stronger, something new, but not exactly appealing.
One thing I can tell from it, that person has been through some difficulties in life. Whether it’s a story of friendship, family, or love, I’ve no idea.

It’s good to keep things a mystery for readers to keep trailing the story, but not without alluring them first.

Foreword & Description [8/10]

Okay, I need to read on.
Seems like Sungjong is going through some kind of illness, I know where this leads to…

Tears me apart if well-written. And I do enjoy moments of intense emotion. (seriously)
Plus, it’s not going to be the cliché story of can’t-look-out-for-myself main character who needs the totally-perfect prince charming.

I deducted some points for slight grammar mistakes though.

Graphics [3/5]

Blue is your choice of colour, I see.
To be truthful, I can’t tell the mood of story from this.
Whether it’s a comedy, drama, romance, in happiness or melancholy…

The poster, I can see that you decide to just frame their pictures.
The background is plain, but at least it’s not distracting.
Simple is safe. Overall is not the best, but it’s satisfactory.

Sub-Total [13/20]

Creation Section

Originality [16/30]

I couldn’t see anything too original in this story.

Well, but your character traits, yes.
Still, that goes into the characterization section, because it’s rather minor, and we’re talking about the storyline here.

Storyline / Plot [18/30]

There are many couples in the story (three), in which you take turns to describe in details.
It makes things kind of slow and confusing.
Example, in Woogyu, the beginning part where Sunggyu was running away from making their relationship known to the public is boring.

Still, I LOVE reading Myungjong moments~!

The beginning two chapters was rather unattractive, but changed as the story unfold itself. Still, at the end of chapter 11, I’ve a feeling that it’s going to get cliché.
Myungsoo is hurrying up everything because something bad and critical happens to Sungjong. Am I not right?

Language [16/20]

Minor grammar mistakes scatter here and there, barely any spelling mistakes though.
Vocabularies used are rather simple, but simple is nice. Don’t take the risk if you’re not confident in it.

I spotted a few mistakes on tenses, between present and past, like most stories.
Suggestion? None other than to proof read your story.

Flow of Story [15/20]

Like I mentioned, it’s a little slow because all three couples are written in details.
My suggestion, make Woogyu’s shorter.
I think YaDong’s short enough. They’re only major appearances in a chapter or so.

Still, overall is fine.
Story flows smoothly.  Keep it up!

Sub-Total [65/100]

Bonus Section

Characterization [8.5/10]

As I mentioned earlier, your characters are rather original.
Maybe not, but I love how you portray Myungsoo.

He’s still an obedient boy even though his family is strict on him.
He doesn’t talk to others much because he doesn’t know how to, not because he’s emotional, like most ‘ice princes’ in stories are.

Okay, thinking it over, the characters aren’t really that original.
Still, I like it.

Style of Writing [7.5/10]

There are misuse of descriptive words at times, making the part sounds slightly funny.
To be more objective, at times it’s too emphasized, for example, Sungjong spied his father when he walked into the kitchen openly?
At times it sounds too flat for a supposed-exciting situation, when Sungjong first woke up, he said ‘Good morning world~!’ then ‘are you ready for me’, it spoils the whole energetic, enthusiastic and hopeful atmosphere which is building up.

Still, your style works its magic when you attempt to make it sound hilarious. Thumbs up! Love it!

Captivity [4.5/5]

Somehow, I do like your story!
Despite its originality of idea and stuff, I simply love romance.

Fresh or cliché love story plots, I dedicate my time for it as long as it’s well-written.

Format & Layout of Story (Neatness) [5/5]

It’s easy to read.
The dash (-) applied at switching of scene helps.

There’s nothing much to be unhappy about in layout of story.

Sub-Total [25.5/30]

Total [103.5/150] / [69/100]

All the best to you in your story! ^^
I’m being strict here, so don’t be too troubled.
I like your story, but if judged from these aspects, it just doesn’t really work. =)

- Claraine

8. Review of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Title            : The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Story Link   : [no longer available]

Author         :xoxmarshaxox

Status         : Ongoing, 12 chapters

Workshop   : Forever Here For You ~ Review Shop a.k.a. Literature Mused Reviews

First Impression Section

Title [4/5]

The girl with the dragon tattoo~! Stylish!
It catches my attention, so, personally, I would stop to look at the story.
Mafia, darkness, mystery, here I come!

Foreword & Description [9/10]

It was rather plain when the description started so I wasn’t expecting much.
But coming to the second paragraph, you totally peeked my curiosity.

Interesting. (nods)

Graphics [5/5]

Fiction poster and the chapter poster in the first one are gorgeous.
The background is matching.
Good choice of tones, monochrome colours and red says ‘mystery’.

Sub-Total [18/20]

Creation Section

Originality [26/30]

It definitely is something fresh.
I’ve seen stories with this concept, certainly.
But the storyline is different, good job in adding a twist to it.

I couldn’t give you full marks though, because nothing is perfect.
I mean, I’ve seen stuff like getting into a mess with gangs, struggles to get out with help from certain someones.

Storyline / Plot [28/30]

I got excited in smut scenes... Sorry.
Anyway, love your storyline.
It is very unpredictable and I don’t even try to predict anymore.

Dramas, climaxes, check.
The story just never gets away from peeks, trust me. It’s a masterpiece.

Language [15/20]

Minor grammar and spelling mistakes and misuse of words here and there, but it’s not too frequent.
Plus, I see that you’ve improved from your previous reviews.
Watch out for tenses you use though, present & past, don’t get is muddled up.
Choices of vocabularies indicate that you’ve mastered the language in that section.
I’ll just point out a few of the mistakes.

Chapter 1
Seungri ruffled through his hair at the same time as his pacing on one spot.

Chapter 11
white leather jacket he wore
lightning bolt, not lightening bolt
and bent down to her
pulled out his cell phone, preparing to call
the large shopping mall, not hlarge

Chapter 12
a bunch of nobodies
watched at her

(spelling)
no where nowhere
coach (carriage/athletes’ trainer) couch (seat)
fool full
male mall
pyne pine
even thought though
tried tired
to two glasses
melancholy
waist waste time

Flow of Story [20/20]

It doesn’t get stuck, not even when there’s minor language mistake.
Your language mistakes don’t affect the story much, which is a good thing.
Bonus, I don’t get confused at all, unlike some of the stories I read.

Sub-Total [91/100]

Bonus Section

   

Characterization [9/10]

Good thing you bothered to introduce the characters in the foreword section. Love it.
Your personality traits of characters aren’t cliché, so I’m rather impressed.

I’ll pick one example, usually main character (girl) is either naive, innocent, helpless and defenceless, or, emotional, cold, bitchy and tough.
This girl of yours, tough and independent, but shows affection towards her brother and friends, plus she thinks before she takes action.

Style of Writing [10/10]

It sounds professional, at least it sounds like a proper fan-fiction.
It contains lots of dialogues, and people say stories with lots of conversation mean the author has not much skill.
I see that the saying’s not true, now.

Captivity [5/5]

What more can I say?
I finished up the whole story within a day.
I just can’t wait to lay my hands on it again every time I put it down.

Format & Layout of Story (Neatness) [4.5/5]

One thing I like about your story, the paragraphs are not too lengthy.
I enjoy reading stories like this rather than those with long paragraphs, it makes me skip lines impatiently.
No more need to be said, you separate everything well, never jumble things together. Thumbs up!

On the other hand, bigger font size makes it more convenient for readers.
Readers using Internet Explorer can easily zoom in, but not those using Mozilla Firefox (and it’s a rather popular software).

Sub-Total [28.5/30]

Total [137.5/150] / [91.7/100]

Solid distinction~!

I’m not flattering you. Just being honest.
I’ve heard that you’re rather popular here, but when I read your story, I knew it for myself as to why you’re popular. I was totally... attracted to it.
Kyaa~~~ You do write well...

All de best to you~
(Gratz on getting featured~)

- Claraine

7. Review of I Wanna Love You

Title            : I Wanna Love You

Story Link   : [click]

Author        : vampire_gurl0710

Status         : Ongoing, 23 chapters

Workshop   : Forever Here For You ~ Review Shop a.k.a. Literature Mused Reviews

First Impression Section

Title [2/5]
I Wanna Love You...
I’ve come across titles similar to this one for more than a few times.
Plus, it’s going to be a love story and I know nothing else. (meaning, it doesn’t show much about the story)
I wouldn’t say it’s dull, but it’s not eye-catching either... ^^

Foreword & Description [8.5/10]
Good job for knowing how to differentiate messages in description & foreword.
(meaning, personal messages to readers should be in the foreword)

The idea of storyline in description sounds rather fresh, nothing like every other story is.
As a reader, I’m willing to give it a shot! ;D
Thumbs up!

About your foreword, never give up, ne?
All the best~ ^^

Graphics [3.5/5]
I like your poster.
It has a playful feel, and I thought EunHae is playfully going on behind the girl... xD
LOVE your chapter poster!
Credit for you in bothering to insert pictures in the middle of chapter. ^^

Your background is all EunHae.
Is it a hint that the story is EunHae forever?
Well, but it’s not...
Still, would be better if you add the girl into the background as well...Or maybe a quote. ^^

Sub-Total [14/20]

Creation Section

Originality [21/30]
An innocent girl who feel in love with two guys & can’t actually decide.
Not the most repeated idea, but I’ve seen it a few times.

Some of the parts went different from my guess, which is a really good thing.

The smut scene of a girl vs. two guys is so original. .____.
I got shocked, but well, we’re talking about creativity here.
Whether I like it or not, am bringing it for judge in next section, ‘plot’. ^^

Storyline / Plot [18/30]
They started practising, and poof~ Concert time?! It went a little bit fast there...
The smut part of Donghae & her, I’m assuming that’s your climax (xD), I totally got all excited... >_<

Two guys vs. one girl, oh my god!
Is she a whore...?! And how come Donghae, as her boyfriend, is cool with it?!
Dirty...

By the way, all I see is fight between EunHae, girl stealing moments of guilty pleasure so far and it’s getting sick... Perhaps the next big drama is on Kyunghee?

Try adding more peeks that circle away from the love triangle, huh? ^^

Language [18/20]
The vocabularies you use... *nods*
Indicates that your language is quite good.

Minor grammar mistakes which are rather seldom
Resulted in, not to
Chapter 7, he looked down at her, not up. He’s above her whose on the floor, remember?

Flow of Story [18/20]
Flow of story is often affected by storyline and language.
You’re alright in both of the sections.

Almost flawless language, your storyline flows on smoothly, putting its originality and creativity aside.
Thumbs up for you.

Sub-Total [75/100]

Bonus Section

Characterization [6.5/10]
Yoomin, somehow naive but toys with the two guys?
Can’t control her lust most of the times?
I don’t like this kind of personality... But this is fiction, and she has a rather strong personality, so, I approve.

Donghae, sweet and gentle.

Eunhyuk, on the other hand, more aggressive and passionate.

Sungmin, cute and innocent, the knows-it-all most story has...

Kyunghee, evil... Antagonist which every story has, I assume?

Personalities of your characters I would say, are in the safe zone...
You should try adding more outstanding features if possible, to leave a deep impression in readers.
Anyway, safe is okay.

Style of Writing [7.5/10]
In chapter 12, it did sound like some bad movies in the ‘star’ part of Donghae’s confession, but it’s still romantic...
(meaning, I couldn’t help laughing when I read it, but that kind of line still works for me no doubt)

Good job in your detailed description, I can actually picture the scenes in my head.

Captivity [2/5]
There aren’t much climax & drama scenes that excited me a lot.
On the whole, I don’t find it that captivating.
Girl going out with Donghae, girl enjoy guilty pleasure with Eunhyuk...
I’ve been reading this for twenty over chapters...

Format & Layout of Story (Neatness) [3/5]
Some chapters are too long.
I realize one thing, you started to add ‘*’ sign starting from some chapters after the beginning.
It’s good to separate sections to make things easier for readers.

Sub-Total [19/30]

Total [108/150] / [73/100]

Intense smut, mild smut, blah blah blah... I guess I just have to read it as your reviewer?
All the best to you anyway... 

- Claraine

Review Rubric (Version 2.0)

What's a reviewer without her own review style?
Introducing, Claraine's review rubric~ <3

Review Criteria Sheet

First Impression Section

Title [5]

Foreword & Description [10]

Graphics [5]

Sub-Total [20]

Creation Section

Originality [30]

Storyline / Plot [30]

Language [20]

Flow of Story [20]

Sub-Total [100]

Bonus Section

Characterization [10]

Style of Writing [10]

Captivity [5]

Format & Layout of Story (Neatness) [5]

Sub-Total [30]

Total [150]/[100]

6. Review of Gone

Title            : Gone

Story Link   : [click]

Author        : jokinglang

Status        : Completed, one-shot

Title [2/5]
I don’t see anything much from a mono-word title…
Just a little opinion, They’re All Gone… might add a touch of mystery to it? 

        

Foreword & Description [5.5/10]
A short one, readers are able to grab a rough idea of your storyline.
Still, it doesn’t really stand out for first impression.

Poster/Background [8/10]
I like it.
The words on your background make things so much clearer for me, who got blank after reading your title.
The shade of blue for the shattered heart works its magic. It finishes off the picture with a cold, helpless, lonely feel…

Plot [8/20]
There’s hardly anything conflict, climax, drama?
You seem to be emphasizing only on Minho’s feeling & his ‘history’.
I was expecting for some drama, but it never came, it just ended…
 

Characters [6/15]
I finished the story, yet, I don’t really know their personality and such.
Minho is rich, lack of love. Jangmi, poor but gives Minho hope.
Minho feels melancholic after her death. Nothing else…

Grammar & Spelling [5/5]
So, English is not your first language. I’ll go easy on this one.
To be honest, no apparent grammar mistakes or misuse of words.
Anyhow, you can try stepping out of the safe zone, give new things a try, put your creativity to work.
 

Style [2/5]
You narrate it, straight & in order.
It’s not an essay, girl…

Try to twist your style of writing to better catch readers’ attention and to make it look more professional.

Originality [4.5/10]
I wouldn’t say it’s unoriginal, because it’s kind of different from fan-fictions I see here…
[refers to plot]
Still, girl kills herself because her lovers’ family disapprove of them is not a fresh idea.


Captivating [5/10]
It’s one too-short oneshot...
I'm hardly into the story yet before it ended...
 

Flow & Entertainment [7/10]
Okay, it flows well, doesn’t get stuck…
It doesn’t annoy me at all thanks to the smooth flow, so score point for you.

Overall [53.5/100]

No doubt it’s a oneshot, you should alter your writing style on it.

Construct a storyline with ups & downs.
Reason for the overall scoring, it’s not exactly that disapproving.
It’s just that your plot affects it all.
Because it went plain and came to an abrupt end, I got nothing (almost) from it.

All the best to you.

 -Claraine, an early piece