Title : The Lights at the Window Opposite My Room
Story Link : [click]
Author : xdreammerx
Status : Completed, one-shot
Workshop : Literature Mused Reviews
First Impression Section
Title [1.5/5]
It’s a too long for a title as it sounds more like a beautiful phrase rather than a suggestive title.
I know how well the title relates to the story only after reading it.
A little suggestion of mine, maybe ‘Lights from the Window Across, my Companion’.
I know how well the title relates to the story only after reading it.
A little suggestion of mine, maybe ‘Lights from the Window Across, my Companion’.
Foreword & Description [4/10]
The part of your ‘disclaimer’ should be put into your ‘foreword’, not ‘description’.
Besides, letting your readers a peek into the story in way important compared to what you’ve got to say since the description is probably what determines your gaining of a reader or otherwise.
Besides, letting your readers a peek into the story in way important compared to what you’ve got to say since the description is probably what determines your gaining of a reader or otherwise.
I was expecting more in the description though.
Getting to know that it’s ‘another love story’ doesn’t help much in luring the reader to turn to the next page.
Getting to know that it’s ‘another love story’ doesn’t help much in luring the reader to turn to the next page.
Graphics [-/5]
I did not consider this part into the review, but I was hoping that you’re going to have one.
Graphics always help, and it serves an important role, in attracting new readers.
Graphics always help, and it serves an important role, in attracting new readers.
Sub-Total [5.5/15]
Creation Section
Originality [17/30]
The way the main characters met is rather cliché.
Guy helped girl, they became close friends instantly, and then valentines.
Guy helped girl, they became close friends instantly, and then valentines.
I suggest that you make it into a short chaptered fiction instead of a one-shot if the idea isn’t real fresh.
My reason, cliché plots seems more acceptable in chaptered fiction as writers have more opportunity to add in his/her own style into it while chances in one-shots are rather limited.
My reason, cliché plots seems more acceptable in chaptered fiction as writers have more opportunity to add in his/her own style into it while chances in one-shots are rather limited.
However, I like the whole concept on the window thing, very comfortable to read.
Storyline / Plot [12/30]
OH MY GOD, you didn’t!
The part where the two main characters talked on the phone the first night they got to know each other was extremely cheesy!
Still, I like it.
The part where the two main characters talked on the phone the first night they got to know each other was extremely cheesy!
Still, I like it.
Unpredicted storyline, actually there was nothing to predict on since nothing much happened.
The story went on rather flatly; try adding in twists of dramas or conflicts.
The story went on rather flatly; try adding in twists of dramas or conflicts.
Language [13.5/20]
You messed up past tense and present tense in certain part.
Be sure to proof-read it. Otherwise, ask for someone professional or equally good to do it.
Be sure to proof-read it. Otherwise, ask for someone professional or equally good to do it.
Look out for your countable and uncountable nouns; it determines the usage of ‘is’/’are’.
Your choice of words is good though.
Flow of Story [12/20]
I get it that it’s a one-shot, but that doesn’t mean that you’ve to hurry things over.
The storyline is fast, strangers to companions, companions to valentines.
And then, here comes ‘the next few months’.
Really, what’s the hurry?
The storyline is fast, strangers to companions, companions to valentines.
And then, here comes ‘the next few months’.
Really, what’s the hurry?
Sub-Total [54.5/100]
Bonus Section
Characterization [5/10]
I can’t believe it, the girl is rather straightforward.
She said she loved him too before he got it out.
She said she loved him too before he got it out.
Don’t really see much of characters’ personality from the short writing, still I like how both of them seem being fated to be companions of life.
Similar to the storyline, a little twist to the characters’ personality would have made the story even interesting.
Style of Writing [5/10]
You’ve a bad habit of continuing your sentences without a pause, just like your title.
Get rid of it, and you shall be doing better.
Get rid of it, and you shall be doing better.
Other than this, everything seems fine to me.
Safe, but nothing too eye-catching.
Still, there’s always room for improvement, another of my suggestion, read more, and pick up something from great authors.
Safe, but nothing too eye-catching.
Still, there’s always room for improvement, another of my suggestion, read more, and pick up something from great authors.
Captivity [1/5]
Coming across lots of one-shots, there was only one that I would call ‘captivating’.
Usually one-shots ended before anything started. (of course something started, it’s just the way things seem like)
This one is no exception.
Usually one-shots ended before anything started. (of course something started, it’s just the way things seem like)
This one is no exception.
Format & Layout of Story (Neatness) [4.5/5]
No long and never-ending paragraphs, score point for you.
I love the way you separate different characters’ point of view with different colours.
Adding a space between might make it even neater, and neater is better.
I love the way you separate different characters’ point of view with different colours.
Adding a space between might make it even neater, and neater is better.
Sub-Total [15.5/30]
Total [75.5/145] / [52/100]
Ah, working on one-shots is always tougher (for both authors and reviewers) compared to chapter fictions since one-shots are meant to be concentrated yet fresh.
Good try though.
Good try though.
Don’t think too bad of it that I gave a rather low mark for it.
This is because after gaining experience in reviewing a few one-shots, I’ve finally grasped the way to review it properly and strictly.
This is because after gaining experience in reviewing a few one-shots, I’ve finally grasped the way to review it properly and strictly.
All the best to you.
- Claraine
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